Shirley

Baby R & I just got back from a weekend road trip to North Carolina. We were there for the funeral of a very, very special lady, my Aunt Shirley. Heads up, this post is pretty much stream of thought and not at all planned because I didn't plan to share this on this platform, but because of what I witnessed this weekend and the way she has touched so many lives, I feel the need to document it somewhere and since this is my journal... well...

It's strange because I still don't know how to process it. I still expect to see this beautiful, tall woman with her radiant smile next Christmas. I still expect to be wrapped up in one of her all encompassing hugs. But, I'm not writing this to talk about how I haven't really processed the loss yet. I'm writing to talk about what a special woman she was.

You know how Christians always talk about reflecting the light of God and living in a Christlike manner? Well she did exactly that.
She was loving. And giving. And welcoming. And stern. And she made you a better person because you didn't want to disappoint her. And she shared the love of God with everyone she met. And she fought cancer with dignity and grace. She made people stop and stare because she had that inner light that comes from the joy and peace and hope in knowing this life was only temporary and that the best is yet to come.

And wow. That kind of life just makes you stop and think. She makes you reflect on your own life. Am I living it in a way that truly honors God? (The answer is no. I am selfish and lazy and pretentious and exclusive.) Am I a lighthouse? Am I a beacon? Do I live in this world, but a part from it? Do I live differently enough that people stop and wonder what I have because they want it? Do I share the love of God and the joy of knowing Him? (Also, no. I don't do any of those things. I get bogged down in the day to day problems.)

When we walked into the church where her celebration of life was held on Saturday, I was astounded. The place was packed. They even had to prepare an overflow room for people who wanted to celebrate her legacy. And what a legacy she left. And what a celebration it was.

So, thanks Aunt Shirley. You were amazing in life. A beacon. A light house. A mirror of God's love. And in death you continue to challenge us to live better and love deeper.

Four Months

Only a week late. I'm getting a little better at this. :)

You don't sit still for too long anymore.

Your fourth month was crazy, Baby R. It was full of firsts. Your first Christmas, your first cold, and your first time meeting extended family. I cannot believe all of these firsts have come and gone. I have been looking forward to your first Christmas season since the day we found out about you! You continue to grow and change and learn so much every day. I love you more than you'll ever know, little Buddy!

This is what you've been up to in December. At 4 Months you
- Experienced your first Christmas season. Lots of parties and running around to see everyone.

Although we've opted not to "do" Santa, this picture was too cute to pass up.

- Got your first cold. Probably from all the running around and meeting people.
- Met your extended family: Adley, Shay, Aunt Neese and Uncle Fran. You also met a lot of my aunts and uncles and cousins. And you were so sweet letting everyone hold you!

- Still love television. Still love lights.

- Are getting very vocal. You love to have conversations with the people changing your diapers.
- Are pretty good at holding your head up, but hate tummy time with a passion. I'm kind of at a loss for what to do about this. I didn't make you do any floor tummy time while you were sick, but made sure you stayed upright a lot without any pressure on that flat spot on your head.

He might have had a meltdown after I took this picture.

- Still wear 3 month clothes, but can fit into some 3-6 month stuff too.
- Wear size 2 diapers
- Started getting a little drooly, but show no other signs of teething.
- Got a bad rash on your neck that just keeps hanging on. We've been using lotrimin on that and trying to keep your neck rolls dry... It would get a little better, then get really gross looking again, then a little better, etc. We're going to talk to your doc about that at the next appointment.
- Continue to have play dates with your BFF, Eli. Sam & I want to make this a weekly thing. So, you better get used to hanging out with him. :)

- Try to hold your bottle. You're more hindrance than help right now, but it's pretty adorable.
- Eat a 7-8 ounce bottle now!
- Follow a pretty good sleep schedule now. Sleep through the night (YAYYY!), take a morning nap, an early afternoon nap, a late afternoon nap, and sometimes an evening nap. Your morning naps are usually good 1.5-2 hours, but the rest are just kind of luck of the draw. Sometimes you take a good afternoon nap and we only do 3 naps that day, but more often you sleep terribly for all 3 of your afternoon/evening naps.
- Really love playing in exersaucers. You got one from us for Christmas and you have one at both of your grandparents' houses.

- Seem to really enjoy ocean/fish/tropical things. Your Mimsy loves this and is already planning beach trips for you.
- Had trouble getting to/staying in church lately. I think it's finally time to go to the nursery.
- Are definitely a morning baby. That seems to be when you're happiest. :)
- Are getting better at gripping things, although you still like to keep your hands balled up a lot.

- Are finally getting some hair!!! Some of it is really dark like mine, some is lighter brown like your dad's. We'll see what how it ends up!
- Still have a flat spot and favor looking to / lying on your right side. We bought a tortle and hope that will help.

2014 & Finding the Balance

Um... how did 2013 just come and go so quickly? I feel like I should have done a 2013 recap, but we're already a week into 2014 and that ship has sailed.

But, I will say that 2013 was a wonderful, difficult, amazing year!

And 2014 promises to be just as wonderful... As soon as I can figure out how to balance this new life.

Being a working mom is tough. Being a stay at home mom is tough too, but I can only really write about being a working mom.
Most days I feel like I'm juggling a million different balls while riding around on a unicycle. And it is hard/crazy/hectic/trying, but so rewarding. I will admit that there has been many many difficulties as we navigate being a double working parent household on Self Lane. We I am often stressed about every little detail. Are the dishes washed? Is there clean underwear? Has R had enough tummy time? When is the last time I dusted? Do I have to stop by the grocery store on the way home? Or do we have everything we need for dinner tonight? Did I pay the power bill already? When did R wake up from his last nap? Who is watching R today? When does J work, again? Et cetera. And that's just some of the thoughts bouncing around about my wife/mom/home life. Don't forget that one wrong step at work could result in a lawsuit. (It would have to be a big wrong step, but it is something that unnerves me every day.)

So, here's to 2014. Here's to finding the right balance. Here's to making time for myself. Here's to preparing more and worrying less. Because in 2014 I resolve to embrace my new hectic, wonderful life.

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