Shirley

Baby R & I just got back from a weekend road trip to North Carolina. We were there for the funeral of a very, very special lady, my Aunt Shirley. Heads up, this post is pretty much stream of thought and not at all planned because I didn't plan to share this on this platform, but because of what I witnessed this weekend and the way she has touched so many lives, I feel the need to document it somewhere and since this is my journal... well...

It's strange because I still don't know how to process it. I still expect to see this beautiful, tall woman with her radiant smile next Christmas. I still expect to be wrapped up in one of her all encompassing hugs. But, I'm not writing this to talk about how I haven't really processed the loss yet. I'm writing to talk about what a special woman she was.

You know how Christians always talk about reflecting the light of God and living in a Christlike manner? Well she did exactly that.
She was loving. And giving. And welcoming. And stern. And she made you a better person because you didn't want to disappoint her. And she shared the love of God with everyone she met. And she fought cancer with dignity and grace. She made people stop and stare because she had that inner light that comes from the joy and peace and hope in knowing this life was only temporary and that the best is yet to come.

And wow. That kind of life just makes you stop and think. She makes you reflect on your own life. Am I living it in a way that truly honors God? (The answer is no. I am selfish and lazy and pretentious and exclusive.) Am I a lighthouse? Am I a beacon? Do I live in this world, but a part from it? Do I live differently enough that people stop and wonder what I have because they want it? Do I share the love of God and the joy of knowing Him? (Also, no. I don't do any of those things. I get bogged down in the day to day problems.)

When we walked into the church where her celebration of life was held on Saturday, I was astounded. The place was packed. They even had to prepare an overflow room for people who wanted to celebrate her legacy. And what a legacy she left. And what a celebration it was.

So, thanks Aunt Shirley. You were amazing in life. A beacon. A light house. A mirror of God's love. And in death you continue to challenge us to live better and love deeper.

Four Months

Only a week late. I'm getting a little better at this. :)

You don't sit still for too long anymore.

Your fourth month was crazy, Baby R. It was full of firsts. Your first Christmas, your first cold, and your first time meeting extended family. I cannot believe all of these firsts have come and gone. I have been looking forward to your first Christmas season since the day we found out about you! You continue to grow and change and learn so much every day. I love you more than you'll ever know, little Buddy!

This is what you've been up to in December. At 4 Months you
- Experienced your first Christmas season. Lots of parties and running around to see everyone.

Although we've opted not to "do" Santa, this picture was too cute to pass up.

- Got your first cold. Probably from all the running around and meeting people.
- Met your extended family: Adley, Shay, Aunt Neese and Uncle Fran. You also met a lot of my aunts and uncles and cousins. And you were so sweet letting everyone hold you!

- Still love television. Still love lights.

- Are getting very vocal. You love to have conversations with the people changing your diapers.
- Are pretty good at holding your head up, but hate tummy time with a passion. I'm kind of at a loss for what to do about this. I didn't make you do any floor tummy time while you were sick, but made sure you stayed upright a lot without any pressure on that flat spot on your head.

He might have had a meltdown after I took this picture.

- Still wear 3 month clothes, but can fit into some 3-6 month stuff too.
- Wear size 2 diapers
- Started getting a little drooly, but show no other signs of teething.
- Got a bad rash on your neck that just keeps hanging on. We've been using lotrimin on that and trying to keep your neck rolls dry... It would get a little better, then get really gross looking again, then a little better, etc. We're going to talk to your doc about that at the next appointment.
- Continue to have play dates with your BFF, Eli. Sam & I want to make this a weekly thing. So, you better get used to hanging out with him. :)

- Try to hold your bottle. You're more hindrance than help right now, but it's pretty adorable.
- Eat a 7-8 ounce bottle now!
- Follow a pretty good sleep schedule now. Sleep through the night (YAYYY!), take a morning nap, an early afternoon nap, a late afternoon nap, and sometimes an evening nap. Your morning naps are usually good 1.5-2 hours, but the rest are just kind of luck of the draw. Sometimes you take a good afternoon nap and we only do 3 naps that day, but more often you sleep terribly for all 3 of your afternoon/evening naps.
- Really love playing in exersaucers. You got one from us for Christmas and you have one at both of your grandparents' houses.

- Seem to really enjoy ocean/fish/tropical things. Your Mimsy loves this and is already planning beach trips for you.
- Had trouble getting to/staying in church lately. I think it's finally time to go to the nursery.
- Are definitely a morning baby. That seems to be when you're happiest. :)
- Are getting better at gripping things, although you still like to keep your hands balled up a lot.

- Are finally getting some hair!!! Some of it is really dark like mine, some is lighter brown like your dad's. We'll see what how it ends up!
- Still have a flat spot and favor looking to / lying on your right side. We bought a tortle and hope that will help.

2014 & Finding the Balance

Um... how did 2013 just come and go so quickly? I feel like I should have done a 2013 recap, but we're already a week into 2014 and that ship has sailed.

But, I will say that 2013 was a wonderful, difficult, amazing year!

And 2014 promises to be just as wonderful... As soon as I can figure out how to balance this new life.

Being a working mom is tough. Being a stay at home mom is tough too, but I can only really write about being a working mom.
Most days I feel like I'm juggling a million different balls while riding around on a unicycle. And it is hard/crazy/hectic/trying, but so rewarding. I will admit that there has been many many difficulties as we navigate being a double working parent household on Self Lane. We I am often stressed about every little detail. Are the dishes washed? Is there clean underwear? Has R had enough tummy time? When is the last time I dusted? Do I have to stop by the grocery store on the way home? Or do we have everything we need for dinner tonight? Did I pay the power bill already? When did R wake up from his last nap? Who is watching R today? When does J work, again? Et cetera. And that's just some of the thoughts bouncing around about my wife/mom/home life. Don't forget that one wrong step at work could result in a lawsuit. (It would have to be a big wrong step, but it is something that unnerves me every day.)

So, here's to 2014. Here's to finding the right balance. Here's to making time for myself. Here's to preparing more and worrying less. Because in 2014 I resolve to embrace my new hectic, wonderful life.

via

Three Months

So what if R is almost 4 months old by the time I actually get around to pressing publish? I'm gonna play the working mom card. It is so so difficult to find the balance. It's been impossible to sit down and actually put this post together. In fact, most of it has been written here and there on my phone. The only thing keeping me from publishing was that I wanted to put some pictures in it.

(Blurry action shot. It's getting more difficult to keep you still.)

At three months you:

- started sleeping through the night! The week you turned three months old you slept 9-12 hours straight every single night. It was amazing. 

- moved up to size 2 diapers

- are wearing true 3 month clothes

- love watching tv

- love watching anything with lights (Christmas trees and lights are awesome!)

- smile at everyone

- LAUGH! And it is the best thing I've ever heard. 

- talk a lot & experiment with your voice 

- started sticking out your tongue. It's pretty adorable. 

- discovered how to use your hands & are very adept at swiping at hanging toys. You also loved grabbing my long hair & putting it in your mouth. You've also noticed that you have feet, but can't do anything with them yet. 

- still don't like tummy time but you definitely don't hate it quite as much as you used to

- weigh somewhere around 13 pounds and you were 23 inches long at your last appointment

- got your 2 month vaccines and were just kind of pitiful all evening. All you wanted to do was cuddle. And I was more than happy to oblige. 

- had your first Thanksgiving

- experienced your first Alabama loss. It was a tough one for everyone involved. 

- are more loved than you will ever know.

Early Bird

This kid is an early riser. 

Like 5:00 am.

Sometimes 4:00. 

What's up with that?

We've kind of always had issues with getting him to go back to sleep after his early morning bottle. Last month, he settled into a groove of waking up around 4 (sometimes 2), eating, and going back to sleep. But this week? It's been crazy. He has been waking up in the early morning - usually around 4 or 5 - and just lying there. His typical routine is fussing/grunting/cooing/sighing/general-noise-making but not crying for a minute or two, then quiet for a few minutes then noisy for a few minutes, then quiet... This usually lasts either until he falls asleep a few hours later or until 8:30 when J gets him up for the day. Originally he had been waking up and crying and eating his hands, so we knew he was hungry, but now? Nothing like that. He just kind of plays in his crib. Since he wasn't acting hungry, we didn't feed him. But this morning, I thought maybe giving him a bottle would settle him and make him fall asleep quicker. WRONG. The boy sucked down his bottle and was ready to play. We are really trying to enforce a consistent start time for the day so he can be soothed by having a routine, so I just held him in the glider until around 6:30 when tried putting him back in his crib. He just played until he drifted off around 7. 

What's up mom? Ready to get this day started?

I'm not really complaining because he's such a good baby. He's content to just lie in his crib and look around... sometimes he "talks" but he doesn't cry or make us get up to get him out of the crib or anything like that. It's just kind of rough because I don't sleep well when he's awake in his crib. 

Mostly, I just want to make sure he gets enough sleep.

Two Months

I can't believe R is now two months old. Wasn't he just born like a week ago?


Here's what you've been up to during your second month:

- Graduated into size 1 diapers and outgrew your newborn outfits.

- Have a pretty noticeable flat spot on the right side of the back of his head. You also spend a lot of the time looking to the right, so we've spent the last few weeks focusing on tummy time and getting you to look to the left. (I was actually kind of worried you might have wry neck, but you've been looking to the left more often so I don't worry about it anymore.)

- LOVE bath time. At first, you weren't sure what to think, but now you squeal and splash and smile up a storm. It's exhausting for me, but I (or J) do it every night because you seem so happy in the bath. (We don't use soap every night.) You also love your activity mat and being held superhero/koala/sloth style. You usually calm down when I sing OCMS's Wagon Wheel.

- Hate tummy time. That's pretty much all there is to say about that. Although, for a baby who despises it as much as you do, you have a pretty strong neck.

- Had a play date with Eli, sleepovers at Mimsy & Pops and Grammy & Grandaddy, and took a trip to the pumpkin patch.

- Cry real tears, give social smiles, blow spit bubbles, are getting talkative and working on facial expressions. And every single one of those things is so stinking adorable.

- Keep your hands by your face when you eat (& sometimes knock your bottle out of your mouth), like to bury your face when you sleeps in someone's arms, spit out your paci & get mad about not having it, cry & fight being burped.

- Your doctor informed us that you had sebborheaic dermatitis at about 5 weeks. We started using lotrimin on your face everyday and it's cleared right up!

- Had a little growth spurt around 6.5-8 weeks.

- Started following some semblance of a sleeping schedule. You usually start the day around 8-9, take a morning-ish nap, an early afternoon nap, and an early evening nap. (The times vary, but we try to wake you up from your last nap by 7.) Then we do bedtime around 7:45-8:30. You usually wake up once during the night. Sometimes it's at 2:30 am, sometimes it's at 5:30 am. We just never know. You still want to fall asleep in someone's arms instead of by yourself. (But, somehow you're pretty good at self-soothing during the middle of the night.) We're going to start working on letting you fall asleep on by yourself soon in the next few months. I'm trying to determine the best least traumatic way to do this.

- Bumped up to a 6 ounce bottle. You usually eat every 3-4 hours. You just weren't satisfied after 4 ounces.

- Mommy started working. And it's been harder for me than it's been for you. You love spending time with daddy.



Ryker,
It's amazing to watch you grow and learn right before our eyes. Your daddy and I are constantly amazed by you. And you are certainly changing everything about me! For as long as I can remember I have always been impatient for the future. Always planning for the next part of my life. In school I couldn't wait to be in college. In college I couldn't wait to be married and working. When I was married and working, I couldn't wait to be a mom. For the first time in my life, I am so content living my day-to-day life. And boy, those days are flying by. I am doing my best to soak up every single second of being your mommy. Happy Two Months, Baby Boy! You couldn't be loved more. I thank God for you every single day.

What's Next: The New Year's Post (a few months early)

I have the same New Year's resolutions as every typical American. Every. Single. Year. 1)  Lose Weight; and 2) Get Out of Debt.

And I guess after a season dedicated to excess (Thanksgiving & Christmas) in modern America, it makes sense to use the new year to focus on scaling back.

But after spending the last few weeks in prayer and discussion with Josh, we decided to go ahead and get on that bandwagon early. And because this blog is not only about Baby R (although I love writing about and to him) and I am not only a mother, I'm going to document all aspects of life on Self Lane here. Most of the time, that life will be about my beautiful baby boy, but sometimes it will be about J & I fighting our way out of thousands of dollars of consumer debt and struggling to lose over 100 lbs.

We decided to start early because we thought the transition of my going back to work was really a good spring board. For the last year, we've been using our money to save for maternity leave and really put getting out of debt on hold. But, we didn't plan on having some of our financial surprises during my maternity leave. My car is completely undriveable (even after sinking almost $1,000 into it), we discovered breastfeeding is not an option for us, and there were a few gift card snafus. All of which contributed to my returning to work about a month earlier than we originally planned. Don't get me wrong, we've also been tremendously blessed during this period. I don't want to discount that. I just use this time to illustrate how unprepared we are. Also, personally I struggle with materialism big time. I have always wanted to keep up with the Joneses and worried what others thought. So, by getting a jump start on scaling back, I hope to fight the more/bigger is better urge during this holiday season.

Actually, I am pretty excited about our financial plan. J & I spent the weekend re-reading Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover and plan to use that as a basis for getting out of debt. We've agreed to meet once each month to discuss finances. This is something we've never done before. I cannot express how happy/relieved I am about our monthly meetings. Typically when we start trying to get out of debt (each January) we talk about it at the beginning and then I'm left to put our words into action. Eventually I get frustrated and resentful because I feel like I'm making all the financial decisions and I get tired of always being the bad guy who always has to say "no." And in J's defense, he doesn't really know what's going on in our bank account.  To him, he works a lot so he should be able to treat himself every once in awhile. And then I get angry because he spent bill money although he didn't know it was for that purpose (or I get angry for having to tell him no). So, to combat that we are meeting every month to discuss the following month and we are also starting the envelope system. 

As far as weight loss, we don't exactly have a strict plan in place yet. We are trying to do a few small things each month in the hope that they will build on each other and we will eventually just choose to eat healthy on our own. I am open to ideas, but because of our budget am limited on spending. For november, we chose to eliminate fried foods, sodas, and pre-made pizzas. For December we may focus on drinking more water or making our coffees a little less sugary healthier. 

We both really want to teach R about good nutrition and making wise financial choices especially because we struggle so much in those two specific areas. We also know that good health and being able to give back (financially) are ways to obey and honor the Lord. And that is always our most important goal of all.