Mostly, I chose to make this private because I want to reflect on the things that are happening to this young wife. And some of those things J & I have decided to keep as quiet as possible. Like TTC. I'm pretty sure everyone knows/assumes/expects that we are, but that doesn't mean I want them to know all the details.
As of now, we are on cycle 4. I'm on CD 25. Usually I have a 26-27 day cycle, but I O'ed late this month, so I think my cycle will be more like 30ish days.
I have been temping since January & using OPKs (starting CD 12 until I get a temp shift) since February.
It's strange because I always thought that it would be an accident. I never expected to have to work for something like this. Maybe that's why it hasn't happened yet. Maybe God wants to teach me patience & make me work for it so that I will love my baby that much more when/if it happens.
But it's hard to remember that. I constantly have to remind myself that normal healthy couples can take up to 1 year to conceive (both of J's sibs spent 10 months trying for one baby). But no matter how much reminding I do, the scary thought of infertility is still in the back of my mind. What if something is wrong with me? What if something is wrong with J? What if we can never have any children? It's hard to quiet those thoughts (& all the jealousy that comes along with finding out friends are expecting their 4th child) after three failed attempts. This is probably my first real experience having to trust in God's timing. It's funny that I spent so many years avoiding pregnancy & once I've finally made the decision that I was ready (J was ready for a little while before me), it just won't seem to happen. I know that God is preparing me. I know that there is a plan. I know that I have to just trust in Him. And I have to remind myself daily.
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